*There is nothing to gain by being dishonest. Secrets and lies exposed after marriage will lead to resentment and distrust. You are planning to commit yourself to someone for the rest of your life. You will live, work, and play together. Begin your marriage with trust and acceptance. It is important that the person you marry is your best friend, shares common interests with you, and has similar desires in things that are important to you. One of the biggest mistakes some people make is thinking that things will change after marriage or some major disagreement can be tolerated for the rest of their lives. Be careful! Be honest and truthful now to be fair to your future partner.

Check out the Purity in Your Relationship lesson.

 

While you are still single, be Pure

1. God’s Word is the definitive authority on what is right and what is best.
2. Morality is not determined by feelings, logic, or popular opinion.
3. Physical intimacy is to be avoided until you are married.

• First Corinthians 7:1-2 “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.”
• James 4:17 “Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.”
• Men and women are designed by God to be physically attracted to each other. Understanding God’s design will help you to understand the desires you have for each other and to make wise decisions to avoid temptation. (Refer to Harley’s book, His Needs, Her Needs)
• Second Timothy 2:22 “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
• First Corinthians 6:18   Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

4. You can be pure, and you can do right

• First Corinthians 10:13   There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
• Second Peter 2:9   The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations, and to reserve the unjust unto the day of judgment to be punished:
• Phil. 4:13   I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

5. Make a commitment to be pure.

• First Peter 1:15 “But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation.”
• Leviticus 20:7 “Sanctify yourselves therefore, and be ye holy: for I am the LORD your God.”
• Make God your first love. Matthew 22:37-38 “Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.”
• Read and study the Word of God. Proverb 30:5 “Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.”
• Think about God’s Word and refer to it for guidance. Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
• James 4:7 “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
• First Timothy 5:2 “The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity.”

6. It is never too late to start over and to start right.

• First John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
• First Timothy 1:5 “Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned.”

 

Questions to Before You Marry

Information session

These questions will help you anticipate topics that need to be discussed and emphasized.

1. Why is pre-marriage training important to you? (Expectations, goals)
2. Is it important to you to be married in your church?
3. Have you had any pre-marriage preparation up to this point? (school, church, ?)
4. Why do you want to get married?
5. What are you looking for in a husband/wife?
6. How long have you been dating each other?
7. What is your definition of marriage?
8. Is marriage a permanent relationship?
9. What do you think will make your marriage succeed when so many do not?
10. Could anything happen that might change your mind about getting married? (Can always say no or postpone wedding date. Engagement is not a permanent commitment. It is a time to be sure that you are making the right decision and to prepare for marriage with your fiancée).
11. What potential problems do you want to resolve prior to your wedding day?
12. How do you feel about a physically intimate premarital relationship?

 

 Your thoughts about marriage

1. List the qualities you want in a husband/wife?
2. What goals do you desire for your marriage?
3. What is the most important thing you want in your marriage?
4. Wedding date set? (Why or why not)
5. Is there any chance that you might not marry?
6. What could end your relationship before your wedding day?
7. What potential problems do you think you should anticipate and resolve before your wedding day?

Your family

1. Are both of your parents living?
2. Are they married, separated, divorced?
3. How would describe their relationship?
4. What does/did your father do for a living?
5. What does/did your mother do?
6. What was the financial status of your family?
7. Where did you live?
8. Did you move around often?
9. Do you have brothers or sisters?
10. Is you family close-knit?
11. Are holidays, birthdays, etc. important to your family?
12. Was your childhood happy or sad?
13. Was there any childhood or recent experience relating to your family that was especially traumatic? (abuse, etc.)
14. Did either of your parents have serious health problems?
15. How did your parents handle disagreements? Did they resolve conflicts or bury them? Did their arguments become violent?
16. Who is the head of the household?
17. Do either of your parents drink alcohol?
18. How was love expressed in your home?
19. How would you like to have your spouse show his/her affection to you in public?
20. How would you describe your present relationship with your parents?
21. What does your family think about your plans to marry?
22. Are you brothers or sisters married, separated, divorced?
23. How well are your families acquainted with each other?
24. Do you anticipate any potential problems with your family because of your marriage decision?

Your personal history

1. Have you ever dated (many, several, few) people or only each other?
2. Have you ever been (engaged, married) before?
3. Why did the relationship end?
4. How long have you been dating each other?
5. How often do you see each other?
6. What have you done on your dates?
7. Have you seen each other under a variety of situations?
8. What do your friends think of your plans to marry?
9. Has anyone advised you not to marry? Why?
10. Do you drink alcohol, smoke, gamble?
11. Have you ever been sexually promiscuous?
12. Is there any reason to be concerned about the possibility of STD?
13. Is there any health problems that you anticipate to occur?
14. Do you have a will or a trust?
15. What are your career/educational goals?
16. What are your favorite things to?
17. How do you spend your time when you are alone?
18. Who are your best friends?

Spiritual questions

1. Are you having a positive effect on each other to serve the Lord?
2. Do you spend time praying, studying the Bible, having a devotion?
3. Have you seen your fiancee’s relationship with the Lord “proven” by time and difficulty?
4. Are you confident he/she will be faithful to God?
5. Are you pleased with your fiancee’s spiritual walk with Christ?
6. If you died tonight, are 100% certain that you would go to heaven? Why or why not?
7. What quality do you appreciate the most in your fiancee?
8. What quality do you dislike the most in your fiancee?
9. Are you one hundred percent confident that if you died today that you would go to heaven?
10. How do you determine what is right and wrong?
11. Who is the spiritual leader in your relationship?
12. Is there confidence in the potential husband’s decisions and judgments?

 

Rate the following characteristics of your fiancee’ and yourself.

Scale of 0 to 10 (10 is excellent)	you		fiancee’
1.      Discipline
2.      Godly influence on others
3.      Physical appearance (hygiene, etc.)
4.      Materialistic tendency
5.      Bible study
6.      Prayer life
7.      Responsible
8.      Control temper
9.      Selfishness
10.  Servant attitude
11.  Self-control
12.  Want to have children
13.  Godly priorities
14.  Resolve difficulties
15.  Financial stewardship
16.  Ability to share feelings
17.  Honesty

 

 

How do you feel about…

1. Wife working outside of home?
2. Husband not working?
3. Husband doing housework?
4. Wife doing housework?
5. Family going to church?
6. Husband controlling finances?
7. Wife paying the bills?
8. Separate bank accounts for him and her?
9. Buying on credit?
10. Trying to live debt free?
11. Choosing a church?
12. College for the kids?
13. Having a savings account?
14. Tithing?
15. Keeping secrets from each other?

 

Name ten things that you share common interest in.

 

Rate the participation level of the following responsibilities.

Scale of 0 to 10 (10 =100% responsible)	Husband	Wife
1.      cooking meals
2.      washing clothes and dishes
3.      cleaning house
4.      cleaning the bathroom
5.      cleaning the car
6.      taking care of the trash
7.      making the bed
8.      making decisions
9.      shopping for groceries
10.  working outside the home
11.  paying the bills
12.  writing letters to family and friends
13.  communicating first
14.  resolving conflict
15.  taking care of the baby